I didn't have this growing up; nor did I have it when I was in my 20's. As a child all I had was fear of my stepfather, my neighbor, the boys on the school bus, and disappointment of my relying on my mother to save me from all of them. I ended up not trusting anyone; because if you can't trust your mother who can you trust. I grew up angry and thought I deserved to be handed everything due to my past. I was a brat. I fought my way through life; which isn't the best way to grow. I had low self-esteem through out my entire life. I was very successful in my early 20s making great money, owning a home, land on Lake Travis, a boat, three dogs, and two cars..But I was unhappy, insecure, and never grateful. All of the good things were taken away from me quickly and I spiraled down hill fast. I've been digging my way out of the hole since. I realize this has been the best thing that has happen to me. My late 20s I started to realize I need some soul searching and that's what I did. For eight years I've been a personal trainer, but over a year and half I found something that changed me. I found Crossfit; it is not only challenging but life changing. Crossfit has made me rethink who I am, what I am, and what I can become. I thought to myself "I can do anything!". Now I've been a trainer for 8 years and love it, but becoming a Crossfit Coach has given me a bigger desire to help change lives. With Crossfit my esteem is high, I have confidence and courage. I have been put through some challenges in life and this year struck a core deep within me. Now, I've dealt with suicide once before with a friend of mine and it was hard to come to terms that she was gone and that was three years ago. This year it hit home. My older sister who took us in as her own children took her life at age 45 on June 2, 2011 and it is still a hard pill to swallow. I went through stages like everyone does when they lose a loved one. I ask God to help me cope the healthy way. Then I have my twin sister who is leaving for Afghanistan in December, and she is currently in El Paso, TX. for training. I don't think I dealt with her leaving the right way, but I at least get to see her one last time before she leaves for Afghanistan. With all this I notice how much Gratitude I have for living and for the struggles in my life and (what I've told you about my past is just scratching the surface). Without all of the struggles I wouldn't be the person I am today and yes I'm grateful for being able to learn from my struggles. Life is too short to disregard the cards that are dealt to us. We either play or fold. I choose to play, because I know at the end I will have gratitude for what is dealt to me. This isn't about how shitty my life has been, but how I become to loving myself, liking who I am and sharing this with others. It's about developing Gratitude for people and about life. Just so you know, my life is going well; still struggling like any other person, but I'm enjoying the journey and learning from it.
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